Someone's Shining StarAs I sit here and stare at these empty walls
I wonder, is there one thing I can excel at?
As I flip through my sketchbook of failed drawings,
I can't help but to feel a little down.
The people who are to be most important in my life
Can't accept me for who I am
And bring me down
Sometimes I feel so cold and alone here
Like I really don't belong.
But is there that one place?
Can I be someone standing in the light?
Or will I always be in their shadows?
I want to be someone's shining star
I want to make it in this world
I don't want to be the shadow on the ground
Always being walked upon
But what is that thing for me?
Maybe I need out of here
I need to find my place...
In HeavenI wish I could ask you how you were doing, I wish I could ask how heaven is. I wish I could see you smile again. You went through so much, but you never showed pain. I'm glad I had the chance to say goodbye to you though. I'm glad everything is now okay. You fought as hard and as long as you could and it was sad when you passed away. It was a relief for us all though because we knew you weren't hurting anymore. However, now that you're in heaven, I wish you could answer my questions. What do I do with my life? Where do I go? Is school my thing? Will I make a good wife? I have this perception that anyone in Heaven knows what the future holds for people just like God does. I think he whispers in their ears so they can watch their loved ones grow and they will know what to expect as God's plan unfolds. I wish you could tell me if that were true.
Why we don't talkI don't talk to you as much as I'd like to because you just aren't you. I used to know who you were but you took a turn for the worst I fear. I'm afraid you'll never be the same as you were, you've let everyone else influence you even though you used to be against it. I don't know why you act the way you do, you will never have real friends that way, only people who use you for your money and other crazy things. I wish you'd sit down and really look at yourself in the mirror, is that really who you want to be? You could be so much better. You could be everything. You could hold the world in the palm of your hands if you just sat down and loved yourself. You only pretend to like yourself the way you are. Maybe you just need that one shooting star. I'm afraid however, that I cannot be it. You let that chance pass you by. Maybe you just need to fall from the sky. Maybe one day you'll read this, and my words will really sink in. Maybe you'll come to me admitting that you were wrong, maybe
To someone I have not metDear whoever you may be,
I wish I could meet you to learn everything about you. I want to learn your language, and I want to learn your culture. I want to know what you do for fun, I want to know what you eat for lunch, I want to know what school is like for you, I want to know how you can be so talented at what you do.
Who knows, maybe soon I will meet you.
To my internet friendMel,
You are by far one of my best friends. We haven't even really met yet, its always been online and over the phone. But you've always been there for me, I know I can trust you with anything. Every time we talk it's like we had just talked the day before. You don't think I'm too crazy and you like me the way that I am. You're just the most awesome person. I don't know what else to say except for thank you for being my friend.
To my exTo my ex,
I really used to love you. I promise that I did. I will always love you a little bit. But you left me in the cold. You keep telling me that the ice will not shatter me, but you don't understand that I'm still picking up the pieces from being broken by you. You come around every once in a while. I want to be your friend, but you're not the one that I once knew. You're not the same you so stop trying. I will never be yours again. Stop putting the guilt into me. I don't need you anymore. I'm sorry it has to be this way, I'm sorry that we'll never change. I'm sorry things happened the way they did. Maybe some day, you can be my friend....
I do not like the way you favor 3 of your children and treat the other like crap. That poor little girl always looks so sad, every time I see her I want to cry. You buy candy for the other 3 and you yell at her for asking. She always looks so beaten up, why do you treat her so. That poor little girl. I wonder if she's happy when I talk to only her. I wonder if it makes her day, I hope it does. Stranger, why do you treat your little girl so poorly? Sometimes when I see you coming, I hope you decide to go through a different line, it makes me sick. Please stranger, that little girl needs love. Please open your eyes. You've damaged her enough....
Letter to my DreamsDreaming is story telling of the subconscious. You cannot control your dreams. So to my dreams I wonder why you haunt me so. You keep reminding me of the past, of mistakes that I have made, of things I cannot change. You keep me from resting. I rarely have good dreams anymore. Only bad dreams, nightmares. Maybe when I let go of all of these things I'm holding onto you'll go away. But for now, maybe you're telling me, teaching me how to let go of all of these things that keep me awake, that keep me unhappy. So dear dreams, one day you'll turn good. I promise.